In modern teams, the quality of relationships and clarity of communication often carry the same weight as technical skills, and feedback is becoming one of the most important leadership tools. In this issue, we bring you an interview with Eldar Dudo, a manager who has developed his approach to providing feedback in demanding situations over the years, from working with more experienced colleagues to stabilizing team dynamics at key moments in projects.
Looking back: what was your “aha” moment when you realized that feedback could change the course of a situation or a relationship in a team?
In one situation, I noticed a misunderstanding between two team members (two managers) that threatened to escalate and jeopardize the project we were working on. I didn’t wait long — I immediately talked to them and gave them feedback on how their communication affected the cooperation of the entire project team and how it jeopardized the continuation and successful completion of the project. After that conversation, both of them changed their approach, clearly perceived the importance of the team and the project, and the potential conflict was completely avoided. This showed me that timely feedback can really change the course of a relationship and ensure a successful outcome for a project.
Many people say that giving feedback to an older or more experienced colleague is the hardest part. How do you do it, step by step?
I give feedback in three clear steps. At the beginning, I always emphasize the value of his/her contribution to the company over the years and emphasize how much I learn from more experienced employees. After that, I move on to a specific topic (problem or challenge) and always leave them room to express their opinion first before I share my perspective. In the final step, I pay special attention to encouragement — I emphasize that we continue to value their work and that we count on their important role in the team. I always end the conversation with the sentence: “In case you have any doubts or want to talk about this assignment, my door is open to you.”
We also talked about the moment when the interlocutor becomes defensive, and what changes in tone, form or rhythm of the conversation then occur. Eldar emphasizes that he most often recognizes defensiveness through body language.
When I notice such a reaction, I usually introduce another, more neutral topic into the conversation (another task or project) to reduce tension and return the conversation to a constructive direction.
What do you do before the conversation to reduce the “noise” (prejudices, emotions, deadline pressure) and increase the likelihood that the message will be received clearly?
I often start the conversation with informal questions that can be of a personal nature, depending on how well I know the employee. Sometimes these are topics like sports, movies, or books. Such an opening “disarms” the interlocutor and ultimately makes the conversation more productive.
When asked the most important questions about the difference in approach to those who are not yet in leadership roles compared to those who are already leading the team, preparation and language, and most importantly, advice to novice managers who are afraid of “ruining the relationship” if they are open, Dudo said the following:
The difference in preparation, as well as the tone of the conversation, should not be drastic. It is crucial to keep the conversation controlled and focused on the specific situation — regardless of whether you are talking to a beginner or a manager.
I always advise novice managers to start with a sincere intention: we want to help, not criticize for the sake of criticism. If the conversation is conducted with respect and focused on a solution, the relationship will not deteriorate — on the contrary, it often becomes stronger.
In your experience, what is the biggest misconception about feedback in our business community and how to dispel it?
The biggest misconception is the belief that a “feedback session” is always a sign of a problem. Feedback must be regular and should include praise just as often. This becomes a strong motivational factor and builds a positive culture in the company.
When feedback does not “work”: what signals do you use to decide that it is time for a different approach (coaching, training, role change, etc.)?
If after three feedback sessions I do not see any progress, I consider it time for a different approach. Then I involve the HR department to do a more detailed assessment of the employee and suggest further steps — such as additional training, education on a specific topic, job change, etc.
And finally, if you could recommend one book or article on the topic of feedback to the trainees, what would it be and why?
I would recommend the book “Thanks for the Feedback” – Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen. It clearly explains why receiving feedback is often harder than giving it, and offers practical tools on how to turn feedback into an opportunity for personal and professional growth.
